8 Quirks of Dating a Single Mom

Have you tried to date a single mom and had awkward moments or been confused about her strange ways?

 

Have you been too nervous to date a woman who is responsible for another human and how that might affect your relationship? Read on!

Being a single mom, I think I have some good perspective on the various quirks of dating one of us mysterious creatures! There are some things that might come across as weird when dating a single mom. This post is here to shed light on these quirks! You might learn some valuable tips here too. Thanks for reading!

Please note: Much of this comes from a heteronormative perspective as that’s my orientation. Some will still apply to other styles of relating such as homosexual, bisexual, queer and gender non-binary relationships. Also, much of this can also pertain to single dads. I am speaking from my experience as a single mom though and find that it’s more often that single moms get into these conundrums because a.) Many single moms have the higher percentage of custody, b.) In general, I’ve found more childless women are more open to dating a single dad than guys dating a single mom, c.) I see that the typical gender roles are more strongly affected in the instance of a single mom. Please forgive these generalizations. They are by no means absolute.

1. Single moms are hella busy and can’t as easily be spontaneous.

How this translates to the real world: 

You might find she’s always annoyingly trying to nail down a specific time and place to meet. The single mom can’t so easily be “in the flow.” In my particular scene of free-flowing hippy types, this can be judged as a rigidity or a roadblock. Many peeps in the scene like to keep their options open and see how the day flows or the week flows before committing to make plans. This just doesn’t work well with a single mom. We have very defined schedules with our children and co-parents if there is one involved.

Consider making a date and a plan with her. She’ll be so grateful, and it’s really the best way for you guys to get to hang out.

2. Single moms can seem more aggressive and make more of the first moves.

How this translates to the real world: 

You might feel a strange discomfort when she sends that text or FB message to invite you to hang out when you’re just getting to barely know her. Why is she doing this? Because she might have a very small window of time when she doesn’t have her child around to make plans to hang out with a new friend. This might come across as aggressive, but really, she’s just letting you know when her tiny window is.

Imagine if you didn’t have every night free to choose what you’d like to do for the evening. Imagine if every night except maybe 6 nights a month, you had to feed and put a child to bed. Imagine if you wanted to go out, most every night, you’d have to figure out someone to watch your kid, even if it means just for them to be around while your kid sleeps after you put them to bed.

Please forgive the single mom when she sounds a bit forward, reaching out, asking if you want to hang out on her next child-free night. Also, if she gives you a clue about her next child-free times, that’s your green light to ask her out! Please DO ASK HER OUT. She’d love to have a man make the first move and let her relax into her feminine. 😉

3. She only wants to hang out when her kids aren’t around.

How this translates to the real world: 

You might notice she only wants to hang when her kids aren’t around. Here’s why. Kids, especially small ones, can be SUPER distracting. She is excited to get to know you. Having a kid demanding all her attention will prevent her from fully relaxing into the moment and giving you her undivided attention. Also, it can be confusing to kids to keep introducing people she’s dating. They can get attached quickly, and she doesn’t want to cause them pain. Lastly, the ugly reality is its necessary to fully vet a potential partner because child predators come in many guises…

Rest easy, it’s just part and parcel of how things roll with a single mom and doesn’t have a hidden agenda or meaning.

4. She has this weird way of talking to you and stopping mid-sentence, then catching up where she left off.

How this translates to the real world: 

You’re on the phone with her, she’s talking and drops off mid-sentance. Then you hear her talking to someone else. Then she’s right back on track where she left off. Or conversely, you’re talking, she rudely interrupts and says, “sorry, hold on…” Then you’re feeling all confused and like she wasn’t listening. Then she’s back in a minute and knows exactly where you left off in your story, maybe even better than you! Amazeballs! (This can also happen in person when you’ve been invited to be around her kids.) I know it can be exasperating and maybe even annoying. Believe me, she’s probably annoyed to be interrupted also.

Try to breathe into the moment and surrender… Just admire her for her efforts in juggling.

5. She might come across as REALLY ready to rumble in the bedroom.

How this translates to the real world: 

You’re thinking, “Dang! This woman is inviting me over at 9:30PM to her house to hang privately! Hot damn! or… Hmm… is she gonna jump me like a cougar in heat? Eek!” Here’s the deal, it’s all about her kids, again. Her kids go to bed and she’s basically stuck at the house unless she gets a sitter. Sometimes it’s just easier and cheaper to have a friend come over for tea after the kid goes down for the count.

And… yes, she may be horny as hell, who knows, but inviting you over late night is not necessarily an indicator of that. 😉 

Funny aside, if you both are feeling frisky and you guys start playing around, do it behind a locked closed door! Trust me on this one. Child nightmares can sometimes happen at really inopportune moments!

6. She might seem pretty wild when she goes out.

How this translates to the real world: 

When your free time is all the sudden the tightest commodity in your life, you learn to live life to the fullest. If you’re gonna go out dancing, you’re going to really get your dang dance on! When you make a piece of art or music, you’re gonna milk that creative moment for all it’s worth. This is one of the most beautiful things about becoming a parent. You learn to really appreciate your free time.

Note, this DOESN’T mean that she needs your invitation of a sex only relationship to help heal this poor lonely single mom with your magic masculine wand. Offer her your heart too while you’re at it! Some single moms might love this arrangement because it’s all they have the time and energy for. Some want more.

Seize the day with her and live it up! 

7. She might seem more masculine than you’re used to.

How this translates to the real world: 

Being a single mom requires a woman to hustle big time. She is playing all the roles (and so is her co-parent if there is one). Breadwinner, nurturer, driving kids around, playdates, managing all aspects of the household, school paperwork, family, etc. It’s a lot. She might come across as a bit logical or masculine. Please give her a minute to relax into her feminine.

Please give her a chance. She wants NOTHING more than to release control and let a good man come and take the reigns some. (sexually, dancing, planning dates or vacations, really any aspect of managing things) This translates to you really having your shit together. She doesn’t want to have to manage everything in her relationship along with her other stuff she’s always handling. She might need some patience to let go and trust. She’s so used to holding it all together. Can she still hold space for you? Sure! She longs to love and support her man.

Please be patient with her process and show her how strong you are in your own center, holding your own power. If you give her the chance, her surrender and her blossoming will be one of the most beautiful and sacred releases you will ever witness!

8. Stuff comes up for her and you’ll sometimes feel not on the top of her priority list.

How this translates to the real world: 

Unfortunatley, this can be the reality. Kids get sick, households get infested with lice, schools have field trips, co-parents sometimes bail on their day with the kids for whatever reason. You’ll have to go with the flow. Ironic, I know. Especially when point #1 asks you to be willing to conform to her rigid schedule. Hmm… I know, it’s a big ask.

Just know that she’s doing her best to raise conscious people into the world.

 

OK, Have I frightened the heck out of you yet? Ha! So why would any man put himself through all this rigamarole?

 

Because it’s worth it.

 

Look, single moms are badasses. Period.

You’re going to get a woman who is soooo grateful for your loving attention, much more than some young entitled hot chick that you met at a festival once on LSD… You’ll get a woman who will worship you in bed (as long as she’s rested enough). She wants and needs so deeply to be “taken” by a powerful man so she can surrender the control she holds so tightly every day keeping it all together for the family. You’ll get a woman who appreciates how you show up because she knows all too well how it feels to not have anyone show up for her. You’ll get a woman who really freaking WANTS you, SHOWS you and lives for those precious moments with you.

With her, you’re going to get a passionate woman who is dedicated to her purpose and her family. You’re going to get a woman who will fight for what is important to her. She cares about the generations to come on this planet because she’s raising them! She is powerful and inspiring and knows what she wants. She is resourceful AF also, which always comes in handy. Also, there’s this powerful, grounded network of parents and single parents making shift happen in the world, who have each other’s back. When you’re involved with a single mom, you get invited into the fold of that parenting network and all its benefits.

You’re going to get someone who has done her best to be grounded and make a good home for her family. You’ll get a chance to play a big part in an amazing child or children’s lives. You’ll get a chance to possibly mentor a young child who might not have much in the way of a male role model. You’ll get the chance to enliven your own inner child and sense of wonder through playing with her child. You’ll get a chance to cultivate your own depth and grounded earthly foundation by linking in with a family who is rolling along with their routines day to day.

You’ll get a woman who once she’s accepted you into her den, her pride, she’ll fight for you as strongly as she fights for her children. She’ll be your champion as you are hers. She’ll sing your praises and help you manifest your dreams in the world.

Whew! Thanks for reading!

Love,

Jaya

My son, Koru and Me. Mother’s Day 2015

 

 

Tiger Photo by Syna Tiger Resort on Unsplash

Clock Photo by Erik Witsoe on Unsplash

Woman Floating Photo by Jordan Heath on Unsplash

 

 

Interesting? Helpful? Share the Love!

6 thoughts on “8 Quirks of Dating a Single Mom”

  1. Deep respect for single moms living strongly in their love! Beautiful to witness, easy to be attracted to, even if not so easy to carve out time for relating…great article.

  2. Great reading! Even though that im not “single”mom i can resonate with many aspects of it and have a great respect for you and all single moms out there.

  3. that was fun reading, your generous expose
    moving and inspiring

    i get that the focus is single mamas yet, much of this speaks to my experience with women, in general, living in community starved society overwhelmingly designed as playground for men

    also, this bridges questions i’ve had regarding a sort of manufactured absent busyness engendered by people who remain child free
    this sheds light, for me, broad observation of people’s craving for belonging and making a difference for other people in contexts outside of “family” and not knowing how to, or even that they are striving to, express that

    and, my sense of appreciation and compassion for the single single momness and srark personhood of single moms i know and am aware of is more lucidly integrated and . . . accessible

    i’m reflecting quite a bit in response to your vivid narrative

    thanks ♡

    Narayan

    1. Wow, thanks so much Narayan for your reflections here! It’s very refreshing to have a man read this and feel into it. To have you see the struggle and validate it. I can also see how it plays into many of the issues women in general face in the dating world. Really anyone… We are all swimming around in this chaotic pool of technology and hustle, and often have a hard time landing on the ground where we can look at one another in the face and just genuinely connect.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *